Sunday, February 27, 2011

More than I expected

There is something there. Something to lose. Something more than last time.

In the months since my last miscarriage, I consciously tamped down that part of me that kept hoping, contained and compressed it until I almost could not feel it anymore. Yesterday, seeing two dark lines, that pressurized grain of hope exploded through me like a bomb.

I feel intensely vulnerable, intensely scared, but also intensely hopeful.

I know that the odds are not on my side. I accept that. But there is a chance, and that is so much more than I expected.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Stickless

Strong, strong positive...

...OPK.

I came this close to accidentally peeing on a First Response Fertility Test, apprently included in my last box of pregnancy tests (which is otherwise empty). Not one to waste highly concentrated first morning urine, I decided to suspend my disbelief in anecdotal evidence, as well as the evidence of my own disappointing accidental use of an OPK a few months back, and try one.

I have no idea if this really means anything. I guess I'll find out after a visit to the drugstore this afternoon.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Because the glass IS half-empty

First thought upon realizing that my period is three days late: Guess I should plan on another miscarriage by mid-March.