Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Pushing through

You have all been so supportive. I know my boss would be mind-boggled to know that there are strangers on the internet keeping him and his family in their thoughts. They are doing as well as can be expected with strong characters and stronger pharmaceuticals.

I am pushing through, managing, but wishing for a thicker skin and some kind of emotional distance. Co-workers shouldn't have to prop me up, for heaven's sake. The pregnancy (ack--how forward that word sounds) may have something to do with it: in addition to the insomnia of twenty-four-hour worry, I'm up all night with nausea as well, and sleep deprivation makes me unreasonably emotional. (Speaking of the nausea, yes, it is reassuring, but it is also hideously intense, much worse than I recall with Josh. Bad enough to make me come home from work early, and that's something I didn't even do when I had pneumonia. I would not take it amiss if the nausea eased up a bit. I also would not mind if my blood pressure picked itself up off the basement floor and climbed back into the zone where I don't faint when I rise from a chair or get out of bed.)

Anyway, thank you again for the touching comments. I cry every time I read one.


Anonymous Jen said...

Oh, my dear friend. I was just getting ready to email you to see how you were doing--thanks for posting an update.

It is hard for any parent to cope with the death of a child; no doubt it's even more difficult through a hormonal, nauseated, sleep-deprived haze. It might be worth talking to your doctor about something Zofran for the nausea, or maybe Unisom, which might also help you sleep.

Thinking of you all, and sending lots of love and virtual brownies (unless they'd make you barf. Then we'll just keep them for ourselves.).

6:53 PM  
Blogger 4katnap said...

Honestly I think it's really NORMAL for the PG hormones to be making it harder to deal with the though of someone losing a child Let alone the reality. I remember having trouble with of all things Road kill. Sorry the PG fairy brought you an overdose fo morning sickness and low BP. On the other hand it is reasuring too.
Remember cream of wheat. at least it doesnt' taste any worse comming up than it did going down.

8:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Suddenly, (ok for nine months now) I am the mother of twins and a five year old and I take every death/trauma at all close to me very personally, as in I feel physically ill. I never used to be that way. I was very analytical about my grieving for personal trauma once-removed.


12:00 PM  
Anonymous B.Mare said...

I'm a bit late checking in but oh my -some great, exciting hopeful news together with awful, horrendous sad news. It's a lot to process- be kind to yourself and I hope you can get something to ease your physical discomforts at least to get you over the worst of it. Lots of hugs from here.

2:12 PM  

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