Endings and beginnings
The memorial for my boss's son was held last night. It was a beautiful tribute to a beatiful child, full of remembrances and joy. The slideshow was the hardest part--happy family pictures of a little boy running gleefully at the edge of the surf, or playing with his toys, or smiling as he pinned his little brother in a bearhug. I cannot imagine how his parents are surviving as well as they are, but they seem surprisingly calm, and able to reflect on how much happiness he brought them instead of the enormous pain of his loss.
This morning we headed to my first OB appointment, where a new RNP talked with me about diagnostic testing options, finding a replacement for my OB and other routine stuff, while I silently panicked, awaiting the ultrasound. But when it came...my god, I had forgotten how amazing it can be. One sac, one embryo, one flickering heartbeat. I cried a bit, the grinding nausea completely silent for the first moment in two weeks.
It seems so real now.