Microscopically darker today, but still undetectable from five feet. So: not gone entirely, not solid enough to encourage any optimism, just visible enough to keep me from downing the thousand milligrams of Advil my tonsils are screaming for.
I have so far avoided trolling for hope on the internet. Hopefulness does not seem like something I should rationally cultivate in this situation. And, for the moment, I am mostly at peace with this loss presumptive, having grieved and let go with what felt like finality just last month. In a way, I don't feel like it's even me in this situation; it feels a little like I created those watery blue lines in my head, but even I couldn't really believe in them, so they faded.