Thursday, September 23, 2010


Microscopically darker today, but still undetectable from five feet. So: not gone entirely, not solid enough to encourage any optimism, just visible enough to keep me from downing the thousand milligrams of Advil my tonsils are screaming for.

I have so far avoided trolling for hope on the internet. Hopefulness does not seem like something I should rationally cultivate in this situation. And, for the moment, I am mostly at peace with this loss presumptive, having grieved and let go with what felt like finality just last month. In a way, I don't feel like it's even me in this situation; it feels a little like I created those watery blue lines in my head, but even I couldn't really believe in them, so they faded.


Blogger VHMPrincess said...

my fingers are crossed for you!!

3:28 PM  
Blogger Cat, Galloping said...

I dunno. Mine were always light at this stage. You never know... Hang in there.

6:10 PM  
Anonymous Jen said...

Thinking of you, and continuing to quietly hope for you, my friend.

6:31 PM  
Blogger scissorbill said...

Could you have ovulated late?

6:47 PM  
Blogger 4katnap said...

Self protection is good but I'm going to hope for darker lines.


7:19 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

My fingers are crossed for you.

10:03 PM  
Anonymous cass said...

Argh. The agony of the unknown... I will of course be crossing my fingers for you, and were I closer I'd bring you a nice cup of tea, with honey.


10:33 PM  
Blogger Foxxy One said...

Prayers my friend.

5:04 AM  
Anonymous Jacquie | After Words said...

Thinking good things for you.

5:21 AM  

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