On giving up, again
This pregnancy is most decidedly going nowhere. The tests--we're up to ten now--are getting ever fainter. Minor cramping has returned.
While this impending loss does hurt, it hurts in a very focused way: I am sad about losing this pregnancy, but it does not leave me mourning the loss of my dreams for the future, for the dream of what a life with three children could be. I spent last month processing that particuar grief, and hope hadn't entirely run away with me this time. I will be OK.