Monday, November 30, 2009

In which I am ashamed to admit that I was surprised by a negatvie

Our first cycle ended in a dazzlingly white HPT a week ago Saturday, and I was...well, I was let down and I was disappointed for a few hours, but then I was almost completely OK with it. At least the spinning and incessant wondering were put to rest. I was also, uncomfortable truth be told, a little surprised. In some deeply irrational corner, at certain times of day and in certain frames of mind, I had this unreasonable belief that it would work--just like that, hey presto!, one shot. I am not usually given to flights of fancy this ludicrous, but Josh's easy conception kept tickling me with the feather of unwarranted hopefulness.

So, we will press on with our low-tech "trying," and I will aim to establish a modicum of equilibrium instead of letting myself bob around in that turbid mental wave pool. That's my intent, anyway, though who knows where my head will be as I approach the next HPT.

4 Comments:

Blogger Thalia said...

Oh I totally recognise that feeling of surprise at not getting pregnant the first time on a 'new' try - I felt the same way when trying for Junior. Hope your equilibrium sticks around.

12:31 AM  
Anonymous Jen said...

Hoping next time it's a bright double line, my friend.

6:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I so wish you that elusive equilibrium. It amazes me how this process can take a normal rational mind and ...

11:18 AM  
Blogger Foxxy One said...

I'm sorry sweetie! Prayers for a positive next go around!

1:14 PM  

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