Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Emotional pinball

There must have been something to be said for being in limbo, because since the unexpectedly sudden procreation attempts began a week and a half ago, I have been a disaster. I am unable to focus, unable to plan, unable to do anything except ride along with my emotions as they whirl like a thousand-color roulette wheel. Even my most mundane dreams have been infested with that unsettling lack of control that makes everything seem to be moving.

I am giddy! I am pessimistic! I am obsessed! Look at me--whee!

I had honestly forgotten how the simple possibility of it all can wind you up and spin you around and leave you teetering on a stilt in the middle of a neurotic kaleidoscope. Every potential outcome is reflected in shards and distorted like a funhouse mirror; I can almost hear the carney barking in the background.

On a more important topic, I was truly moved to tears by Julie's post this morning and immediately--full of this burning need to do something--located two volunteer programs in my area for those who want to help NICU patients. Unfortunately, with my schedule and lack of skills and experience, I do not qualify for either, so I am going with the cash approach for now--easier, if perhaps less immediately rewarding.


Anonymous Jen said...

Welcome to the funhouse! (I am selfishly glad you are along for the ride--plus also very excited for you!) Hope the emotions even out a bit soon.

I just took up knitting, and decided, when I read Julie's and Alexa's posts, that I would knit hats for NICU babies! And then I looked at what I had knit thus far, and I, too, went the cash route instead.

7:22 PM  

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