Wednesday, February 07, 2007

The eight-week whine

Eight weeks today, and definitely pregnant.

I am exhausted. Always exhausted. And the nausea, which I blithely, confidently assumed would be better this pregnancy than last--I'm not carrying triplets--has bludgeoned me. It started in earnest just after the six-week mark and now I am very nearly incapacitated by it, squeaking by each day out of pure necessity. It keeps me awake at night, rolls through me in waves as I drive to work, grows steadily through the day as I struggle through meetings and conference calls, then laughs at me and pulls back just a hair when I finally give in and say, Uncle!, You win!, I give!, Just let me throw up! Please! I just want to throw up! PLEASE! Somehow, the effort I made last time to not throw up, since I was supposed to be keeping down an ungodly number of calories, has blunted my ability to hurl when I really, really want (need?) to.

Sadly, the nausea is at its zenith when Olivia is nursing, with her warm weight pressing into my belly. Nursing is something I had come to love, and now it is a rather, um, sore subject. The pregnant nips, they do not like the nursing. It hurts almost as much as it did during those first couple of weeks postpartum, except for the blessed lack of engorgement. But I can manage it, and the thought of giving up makes me very, very sad. That bond with her is something I do not want to lose just yet. As a compromise, I have eliminated the pumping. During the day, Olivia, now ten months old, couldn't care less whether she's given bottles of hard-won mother's milk or swills haphazardly-mixed formula, though she does still love to nurse. Which she does two or three times a day, or more often on weekends.

I read up on being pregnant and nursing and everything seems to indicate that it will do neither of them any harm--that the only one who stands to suffer by it is me. So my lofty and ambitious goal for the next month or two will be to get enough nutrition in me for the three of us while battling the urge to eat nothing at all, ever. Any helpful ideas you lovely ladies in the computer may have on how to get iron into my diet without supplements or daily ingestion of a 16-ounce Porterhouse would be much appreciated. The supplements make me even more nauesated, and, while I love a good steak, I do not love a good steak every single day. I'm trying to eat a fortified cereal each morning, but nothing about it appeals right now and it makes it very hard to finish a grown-up portion when everything in you is screaming, Stop!

So, enough with the whinging. If I didn't have nausea, I'd be whinging that I didn't feel pregnant enough. I love knowing that something is going on in my body, that this exciting, terrifying process is taking place. And on that subject, I must admit to you that the terror is slightly less tangible this time. Not because I am suddenly an optimist, but because it feels like an unearned bonus, a windfall. If someone were to tell me it was all a mistake, I would be very disappointed, very sad, but I wouldn't feel cheated.

Perhaps the terror will grow as my attachment to this fetus/embryo/fetbryo grows. Being on the "normal" calendar with my OB, there aren't the weekly ultrasounds to put a picture to the pregnancy. The next one, in fact, will be the NT scan early next month, unless something bad happens first.

In the meanwhile, I'm still shocked--every day--to find myself here.

13 Comments:

Blogger InDueTime said...

Shocked-yeah, it's nice to know little suprises can happen when we aren't exactly in the game. It's nothing less than a miracle girlfriend! :-) Hope things get better with the breastfeeding and that you get some nausea-free rest soon. Hugs!

7:57 PM  
Anonymous Kath said...

That's so good to hear, Bugs.

I'm sorry the nausea is so bad -- I wish you had the tangible sign without the relentlessness! And I can imagine nursing is not appealing right now. I hope it gets better soon.

1:02 AM  
Blogger Lioness said...

I can only offer askmoxie.com, I think I remember something in the archives about this.

All right, since you must feel nauseated, I wish you easy puking since that'd help.

I'm so sorry and so happy simultaneously!

1:46 AM  
Anonymous cat, galloping said...

farina has an ungodly amount of iron-- 50% of the DV, i believe.

5:52 AM  
Blogger PJ said...

Farina would be good. The other thing you can try (courtesy of Ask Moxie) is spinach. You can throw spinach in a fruit smoothie. The spinach taste is not at all prevalent when you mix it with the bananas, orange/pineapple/apple juice, and berries.

6:46 AM  
Blogger stephanie said...

I was going to suggest spinach too :-). Course, I was going to say it's pretty good as spinach dip (cause i'm all healthy like that) and you get crackers! Or veggies, whichever. You can have some handy to eat in small amounts-that may seem more manageable :-)

8:36 AM  
Blogger Isabel said...

The french style prunes: moist ones, not dried up ones, are high in iron. Broccoli, too. Also, cook in an iron pot (seriously!). Good luck!

3:20 PM  
Blogger Reesh said...

I am also nursing trying to nurse through this pregnancy (although I think I'm drying up). I am a firm believer in green smoothies, as mentioned in a previous comment. I blend a whole lotta spinach with whatever fruit is in season (now it's apples, pears, kiwis and bananas) and mix it all up with whatever fruit juice I like (apple, pineapple, raspberry, grape...). For good measure I add some hemp protein powder (look it up, it's very good for you) and some blue green algae which is a natural source of iron.

Hope that helps...

7:54 PM  
Blogger Indigo Wolf said...

Fresh spinach is the best source, so spinach slads, or putting some on a sandwich would help a lot.

Also, check out these links:

http://www.healthcastle.com/iron.shtml

http://www.bloodbook.com/iron-foods.html

http://www.mcgill.ca/studenthealth/information/nutritionalhealth/ironrich/

10:06 AM  
Blogger Indigo Wolf said...

Dammit, the links got cut off. Anyway, I found them while doing a google search on iron rich foods.

10:07 AM  
Blogger laura said...

I'm so glad you're still nursing her...I can't imagine dealing with the nausea and such while trying to cuddle. But what happy reasons for misery!

1:03 PM  
Blogger Ova Girl said...

If you do the spinach thing just be aware that you have to eat LOADS to get substantial iron. And when you do have any iron source especially the spinach sort have some orange juice too, vitamin C helps your body absorb the iron. There is an iron supplement I got here in Australia called SPATONE which is just little packets of water from some welsh spring that is naturally high in iron. It tastes a bit like rusty nails and you have to dilute it in a glass of water (oddly enough). I preferred getting my iron this way because the tablets were constipating me but I did need to have several packets a day and it's not cheap. Still it was good to have them over a few weeks.

I'm sorry 'bout the nausea Bugs but thrilled for you as well!

1:30 PM  
Blogger Dirty Butter said...

You wanted to feel pregnant, but it's a shame you are feeling Sooooo pregnant!! It will end soon, hopefully.

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3:29 AM  

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