Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Notes, observations, admissions, embarrassments

My girl has rubbed a bald stripe right 'round her head, like a senile tonsured monk who has forgotten to shave off the top. This is the result of recurring head-thrashing, the cause of which we cannot determine. She just seems to enjoy head-thrashing. Sometimes she laughs while she does it.

My left breast makes two ounces of hard-won milk for every five produced by the right. There is no rhyme or reason to this, but it is remarkably consistent. Right breast is now a shocking D cup; left hovers between B and C. In combination with my seriously deviated septum and generally angular mien, I bear a striking resemblance to this fine woman. Striking.

Much to my dismay, I am bucking the promised breastfeeding trend and am, in fact, gaining weight each day. Stems and stalk are ballooning in sympathy with my right breast. I read today that sleep deprivation can lead to obesity, so there go my hopes of burning up extra calories through continued wee-hours whimpering. Wish I could share some of my lard with Wavery, who could really use a few dozen buckets of the blob.

Olivia prefers her father in all matters unrelated to the boob. She reserves her finest gummy grins and doe-eyed looks of adoration for Jeff. I feel a spurt of bitter jealousy each time I see it, tempered only slightly by the fact that I love him madly, too.

LilyPadz, though expensive, are my new best friends. They are the only things I can wear under my lopsided bra that don't show through my work clothes. My work clothes that are two sizes bigger than they should be, due to the reverse breastfeeding weight gain scenario described above.

The fact that I care even a smidgen about the weight gain makes me feel like a leperous ingrate.

I am doing a decidedly crappy job at work and a marginally crappy job at motherhood. As for wifehood, I am not even showing up--I seem to have resigned, or at least gone on a leave of absence.

I cut off all my hair, in the classic regulation mom style--the "I'm still a little hip, right?" cut that really says, "Nice try, mom."

She likes being changed. She likes being bathed. She hates going to sleep. She hates tummy time, unless it involves being flopped over a parent's leg while sucking on said parent's finger.

Olivia's eyes are the color of the sky on a clear December day. Ours are the color of dirt. We just discovered how much fun it is to dress her in blue.


Blogger elle said...

I'm so glad you are still blogging. I loved this entry. Thanks for sharing.

10:45 PM  
Blogger steph said...

Bugs, I'm right there, too. I love the lilypadz, except for the fact that I'm still dripping like a faucet- so there's a small lake of milk when I take them off. It's nice.
My hair? I went with the mommy cut about five days before the baby. I'm still shedding- post partum hair loss can last up to SIX months, per my OB. Also very nice.
And wife? Yeah, she's taken a leave. I hope she comes back... sometime.
Noel's started hating to sleep- maybe it's a three-month-ish thing?

4:55 AM  
Blogger Lindy said...

Don't worry about the bald ring, it seems to appear in head thrashers and non-head thrashers alike. G's head thrashing eventually evolved into head banging. Once he could crawl, he'd crawl over to a wall, sit up against it and happily knock his noggin against the wall for 10 minutes at a time. He grew out of it after about a year and didn't manage any serious damage in the mean time.

And as far as not showing up for wifely duties, that's completely understood as par for the course, right?

And as for the daddy preference, my name is mud compared to daddy. I seem to be useful only as a companion for discussing just how much daddy is missed at any given moment.

And I just don't understand why they don't make more infant girls' clothes in blue!

4:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lopsided breasts with one producing more than the other...check.
Gaining weight despite breastfeeding....oh yes.
Sleep deprived...yawn.
Crappy job at work...yep.
Crappy job at mothering 5 year-old daughter...unfortunately yes, but seem to be doing a fair job with the baby.
Crappy job at wifehood...I'm married? Ohhh, that's who that guy in my kitchen is!


6:30 AM  
Blogger Anna H. said...

What Elle said. I loved this post, too.

Can't wait to see the haircut, my beautiful friend...


11:00 AM  
Blogger Lora said...

I am lurker who checks in on your blog when I am in need of a good laugh. I am too tired to say anything remotely comical, so I refer to you to propound the silly effects of motherhood.

My baby, being slightly low on the hair scale, has only managed a bald patch, rather than a ring. Do they make Baby Rogaine?

Mommy's hair isn't faring too well either. It held in there and I was getting excited about having a thick head of hair...until last week when it decided to go ahead and fall out all at once. Maybe I need Mommy Rogaine.

As for the I-love-Daddy-more-Syndrome, I definately have that too. Good thing I have all the milk! Also, good thing I have resigned my wifely duties as well. I am on permanent leave. I have sent him a memo.

1:07 PM  
Anonymous away2me said...

I just bought a great play mat that encourages tummy time. It is totally working! It's on the web site www.onestepahead.com (I put a picture on my blog today actually)

My boy has a bald spot but the ring is not quite there yet...he's 9 1/2 weeks so I'm assuming it will come.

8:05 AM  
Anonymous Mandy said...

I had the lopsided boob phenomenon too, for about a year and a half. It didn't help that my son preferred the right (who wouldn't, what with its bounty of milk). We didn't wean until he was 19 months--for the last 6 or so months of nursing he only nursed in the a.m. and p.m., and would only take the right side. So lefty dried up, and righty reigned supreme. I'm here to tell you that 3 months after weaning they seem to be back to being about the same size, much to my relief. They aren't the firm boobs I had pre-baby, but at least they are symmetrical!

8:39 AM  
Anonymous Menita said...

At about three months my daughter developed a bald patch, then several, until she was left with a mohawk a la Maddox Jolie-Pitt.
When her grew out again it was a completely different color and texture (it was dark and straight at birth, now it's dirty blond and curly).
What is this husband person you speak of? What exactly do they do? Please describe : )

I too loved this post.

9:17 AM  
Blogger Em said...

My baby has so much hair and I am waiting for this to happen. She does a fair bit of head thrashing as well. Interesting you mentioned the lilypadz...I was just looking at them on the internet this week.

1:24 PM  
Blogger The Lioness said...

Oh Bugs, this was a lovely post! But bcs you batled infertility and now have a baby you are not allowed to complain abt weight gain? You know better than that, some aspects of motherhood aren't pretty either, what is there to love abt extra kg unless you're very, very thin? I think, despite all the testimonies to the contrary, that we still deeply, viscerally believe it should all be Pleasantville, but even Pleasantville was more than a bit scary. Most fertiles cannot handle it so well can they. And those who say they LOVED EVERY MINUTE are lying throught their teeth and perpetuating the guilt. Add to that infertile guilt - oh Bugs, I wish it could be easier for you. If we weren't also programmed to love them fiercely, and if they weren't programmed to be so bloody etoepimeletic, I don't think newborns would fare very well. Or adolescents. All children really.

[Hair... I finished writing an exam, was exhausted and needed to study more for the one the next day so had a mini meltdown and decided to buy a home colouring kit, look like a Florida orange now. Very bad when your skin has yellowish tinge. GAH.]

6:50 AM  
Blogger The Lioness said...

[Oh and Bugs, I've seen pictures, you are LOVELY, really you are. Deviated septum and all. ;)]

6:53 AM  

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