On sleep and thyroid and talking things out
As much as it pains me to admit it, my doctor was apparently not entirely inept. For the last few nights, Olivia has slept from midnight to four or five a.m. without a peep, and then again for a couple of hours in the later morning. We have done likewise. And, to my relief and surprise, I've felt...better. Not all the way better, but enough that I am not walking on a paper-thin crust of stability with misery pooled just beneath the surface. The ground feels a lot firmer.
My non-reproductive endocrinologist ordered another thyroid test, and the results came back out of range--apparently, for the first time in my life, my TSH is low instead of high. Perhaps a downward adjustment in my levothyroxine will further improve things.
I've also followed a lot of the advice so many of you were thoughtful enough to offer. I've talked with Jeff, spelling out what I'm going through in detail. He has responded with understanding and support, though it's hard for him to grasp, emotionally, what it means. I've also called the PPD hotline and spoken with another mother who has been there--an important, if uncomfortable, experience for someone with a shy streak. Thanks for the kick in the pants; these are steps I probably wouldn't have taken without you.
I'm not sure what I should be doing next, or whether this lightening of the load will continue on its own. I guess I'll ride it out for a while--at least till the endocrinologist appointment next week--and see where it leads. Hoping the trail is downhill from here.