Wednesday, May 17, 2006

On sleep and thyroid and talking things out

As much as it pains me to admit it, my doctor was apparently not entirely inept. For the last few nights, Olivia has slept from midnight to four or five a.m. without a peep, and then again for a couple of hours in the later morning. We have done likewise. And, to my relief and surprise, I've felt...better. Not all the way better, but enough that I am not walking on a paper-thin crust of stability with misery pooled just beneath the surface. The ground feels a lot firmer.

My non-reproductive endocrinologist ordered another thyroid test, and the results came back out of range--apparently, for the first time in my life, my TSH is low instead of high. Perhaps a downward adjustment in my levothyroxine will further improve things.

I've also followed a lot of the advice so many of you were thoughtful enough to offer. I've talked with Jeff, spelling out what I'm going through in detail. He has responded with understanding and support, though it's hard for him to grasp, emotionally, what it means. I've also called the PPD hotline and spoken with another mother who has been there--an important, if uncomfortable, experience for someone with a shy streak. Thanks for the kick in the pants; these are steps I probably wouldn't have taken without you.

I'm not sure what I should be doing next, or whether this lightening of the load will continue on its own. I guess I'll ride it out for a while--at least till the endocrinologist appointment next week--and see where it leads. Hoping the trail is downhill from here.

23 Comments:

Blogger persephone said...

Way to go, mama. I'm so very impressed with you for taking all these steps to help yourself. And I don't care WHAT it is that turns out to make you feel better, just so you do! Big hugs to you.

12:01 AM  
Blogger LabiaLady said...

You go girl.... glad to hear things are improving

12:03 AM  
Blogger Pamplemousse said...

Onward and upwards, my friend. You can do this.

4:06 AM  
Blogger Lindy said...

All of that sounds good. I'm so glad you found a way to bypass the hurried OB and get your thyroid checked and to talk to Jeff and to another mom who's been there. You SOUND better too.

4:51 AM  
Blogger Cat, Galloping said...

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. No one can feel good without a good night's sleep! Following up on all those other angles, especially with Jeff, is also so great. I'll bet it makes you feel better just to know you are doing something and that Jeff is looking out for you.

6:03 AM  
Blogger Mellie said...

Glad that you're feeling better. I was definitely worried - but am certain that with the steps you've taken and with the mighty Jeff by your side and Olivia to charm you, you'll get through this. I think the light from the end of the tunnel is shining on you.

6:40 AM  
Anonymous Leggy said...

PPD is so tough to sort out. I probably had a bit of it after my son was born, but did not seek help and should have. I was also dealing with a baby with 24/7 colic and the lack of sleep alone definitely contributed to feeling overwhelmed.
It can be very hard to sort out when things are tough but managable, when you are skating on thin ice, and when you are truly losing it. And the difference between tough but managable and losing it can be as simple as the 4th poor night's sleep in a row plus a sink full of dishes.
All that to say, I'm glad things are getting better and that you are being proactive. But please continue to take this seriously. If a good night's sleep makes you feel a lot better, recognize that a few bad night's sleep can make you feel a whole lot worse, and find ways to make sure you are getting your sleep and getting a break when you need it.
This assvice message will now self-destruct.

7:29 AM  
Anonymous danielle said...

You did it! The first step is the hardest to take, and now that your husband is in on it, you can get through it together. Don't give up, there are so many beautiful moments awaiting you.

7:55 AM  
Blogger Dee said...

She's right (above), that first step is definitely the hardest to make so congrats to you for taking the plunge.

And I'm glad to hear that some sleep is helping as well--really, after having J I completely got why sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture.

May the good keep coming in the days, weeks, months, etc., ahead. I've no doubt that you're hopefully on the downward side of things now. No more uphill struggle.

9:50 AM  
Blogger HomeFireBlue said...

So, so glad you're feeling better! Keep at it and remember we're thinking of you.

-Blue

10:43 AM  
Anonymous Mandy said...

I'm so glad to see this. :)

This is a good time to think of things that can be taken care of by others, if only for a little while. Housecleaning is a great one that comes to mind.

Taking care of you is the ultimate way of taking care of your baby, remember that. We're here whenever you need us.

10:58 AM  
Blogger Dramalish said...

The sleep thing is HUGE. I'm so glad that you're feeling better, and even more glad that you are talking it out and letting people know.

You rock.
Keep rocking.

-D.

11:05 AM  
Blogger Katie (WannaBeMom) said...

You are being so brave and courageous. Just keeping being honest, and things will keep getting better!

1:47 PM  
Blogger The Lioness said...

Bugs, lack of sleep is enough to induce madness, let alone accompanied by hormones and thyroid and the universe. I'm so glad you got help, and so glad you're feeling bugsier!

2:30 PM  
Anonymous Sassy said...

I am so glad you're feeling better and you have people working with you to help you with this. Take care.

3:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, Bugs, I'm so glad you are feeling better, and long may it continue. All of us are thinking of you, as you can see. I hope you have had all the down times, and the fun can soon begin!
Emma also Jane

3:59 PM  
Anonymous Menita said...

Things sound like they are on their way to getting a lot better. Kudos to you for taking all of those steps. Rock on.

4:49 PM  
Blogger Zarqa said...

I'm so glad that things are getting better! I have a feeling, now that you are over that initial hump, that things will continue to get better.:)

4:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's funny. Here's this website written by a woman I've never met and never will meet, and I read about her life and find myself caring whether she is happy, and am relieved when I read that she is feeling better.

Strange thing, this internet.

5:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good for you. Jill

7:27 PM  
Anonymous Adrienne said...

so glad to hear you're feeling a bit better, and glad you had your thyroid checked. The low FSH may indicate post-partum thyroiditis--you go hyper, then hypo, then ideally return to normal. PP thyroiditis is what initiated my Hashimoto's, and being hyper-thyroid is miserable. I hope you can get that under control soon. Good for you too on taking the steps to deal with PPD, I know that's not easy. Hoping each day is a little easier for you.

Adrienne

3:15 PM  
Blogger tonya said...

Very glad you're seeing some improvement. Baby sleeping *definitely* can help a ton! Sleep deprivation was (for me) the worst part of new motherhood. Hoping you continue to feel a bit better day by day.

8:09 PM  
Blogger Lucky Lum said...

All I can say for support is "I've been there."
It totally sucks...the lack of sleep and the rollercoaster of irrational hormonal craziness running throughout your body! ahhhh!
Your new mantra "this too shall pass..."

5:38 PM  

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