Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Uncertain

I don't know what to make of the results. There's good and there's not so good, and I don't know how not good the not good part is.

There were three gestational sacs. The biggest measured five weeks, four days. The second looked to be about a day behind. The third was very small and almost certainly on its way to being reabsorbed. In the largest, Dr. FYC, full of apparent confidence, pointed out a (to my eyes, basically indistinguishable) yolk sac and a (completely invisible) flutter that he said was the heartbeat. He didn't record the BPM but said it looked "good".

My head was filled with wonder and panic and I forgot to ask the dozen questions I should have asked: How important is it that I'm at six weeks today, but the biggest measures three days behind? Why didn't we look for a yolk sac and heartbeat in the middle one? Should I be worried by the fact that my scant symptoms have dissipated in the last few days?

Dr. FYC is hard to read, so I don't know if his assured smiles were real or assumed. I will email or call once it's all sunk in.

Right now, I'm just not sure how to feel. We might have twins, we might have one, and we might, in the end, have nothing. I can't be elated and I can't cry.

Next scan in two weeks.

40 Comments:

Blogger Anna H. said...

Oh Bugs, so much uncertainty... exactly what you didn't need.

Am sending every ounce of good juju to you two.

No matter what, I'm right here.

xxoo

4:27 PM  
Anonymous Alex/Infertile Gourmet said...

Wow...Congratulations and I am sorry? That must have been a load to take on at that moment..

Happy that one probably two are there and growing. Well wishing you up adn down :)

4:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sending you love and good thoughts!
- bhm

4:29 PM  
Blogger Emma Jane said...

Oh Bugs. What a day, what an ultrasound...

... I don't know if this will be helpful or not, but (a) remember that 6w is very early to be wanded at all; lots of clinics won't until 7w, probably because the results tend to be hard to interpret earlier (b) my first couple of ultrasounds measured two days behind, then four days behind, so I did a lot of frenzied Googling ("crown rump length" is probably the key phrase). They do seem to think that development is highly programmed through pretty much the first trimester, but the numbers are based on spontaneous pregnancies, not the infinitely precisely dateable IVF pregancies, and a couple of studies have shown IVF pregnancies might tend to be a day or two behind (other studies got the same average measurements). Also, there's a just a fair measure of error in all ultrasounds -- the actual difference in measurements you're talking about is very, very tiny.

The guideline for when to worry seemed to be at about 5 days off, and you're not there at all. And remember: seeing a heartbeat is an excellent, excellent thing.

4:36 PM  
Anonymous Ollie said...

That's quite a lot for you to take in. I am going to keep holding my breath until next week's ultrasound and hope that you see with beautiful alacrity the heartbeat flutters that you deserve to see.

I have heard that IVF pregnancies tend to measure behind the normal measurements. FYI.

Love love love lots and lots of love.

4:45 PM  
Anonymous OvuOpt said...

When I had my first ultrasound very early on, the tech commented that the measurements were "give or take 3 days". I think you have at least one (and maybe two!) doing just fine.
Keeping everything crossed that all turns out well.
Much love to you.
-L

5:01 PM  
Blogger Mudbug said...

What Lori said, although I'm sure that doesn't help much at this point. Hope the RE can reassure you when you get to speak to him.

5:09 PM  
Anonymous Leggy said...

I think you have at least one- the flutter is a very good sign. But I've been there (had 2 blighted ovums with IVF #- FYI, we never saw a flutter or yolk sac so don't go assuming the worst) and it SUCKS big time. I'm hoping and praying that is not a road you have to go down as you've been through so much already.

Let us know what he says.

5:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think a heartbeat at this stage is v. good. I'm thinking of you and sending lots of love and prayers your way.

Emily

5:15 PM  
Blogger kristenL said...

I can't think of what to say, I am cofused that there would not have been more interest in the second sac.
But one flutter is there for sure, and looking good, I am so happy for you and jeff. i think I have checked your blog like 76 times today.
I wish I had something better and more reassuring to say...

5:36 PM  
Blogger K said...

I can only imagine the anxiety you feel. Know that what everyone said about IVF pregnancies being a little behind is true. And with three, it might not be uncommon to have 2 smaller. I'm praying for you!

5:37 PM  
Anonymous Z said...

oh why can't things just be easy. i'm so sorry for all of the uncertainty. but i'm also elated for you at the possibility that you might have twins! how exciting. you are in my thoughts and positive vibes that everything turn out just fine.

5:39 PM  
Anonymous Jen said...

Oh, sweetie--all my love to you and Jeff.

I'm so sorry you didn't get any clarity today, but I am holding onto lots of hope for at least one, maybe two (!). I have been researching h/b info like mad, and it does seem a very good sign that you saw one today.

5:39 PM  
Anonymous patricia said...

There's not that much they can tell at this point, but the fact that there is a heartbeat is very good.

But for God's sake can't you get another scan next week?

5:51 PM  
Anonymous Jenn said...

All my OB ultrasounds were "+ or - 2 days" so you would fall right in there. I'm surprised they were able to see a heartbeat at all that early, so it sounds promising. I second Alex with, congratulations and I'm sorry.

7:06 PM  
Blogger Anne said...

Wise words from Emma Jane. And 5/4 is awfuly early for a heart beat, so that too is v. good news. Just take it one day at a time. (But do ya haf ta wait 2 whole weeks before the next scan? Cause that there is the definition of doing some hard time...)

7:16 PM  
Blogger Suz said...

I had to find a way of checking on you tonight. It sounds like an awful lot to take in, but I agree with the others about the give or take 3 days. It's the same general rule that I was told as well, along with the fact that 6 weeks is still very early. My clinic doesn't do a U/S until 8 weeks for that reason.

7:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi bugs, I've been lurking for a while, but I had a 5w5d scan that showed a blob to see that it was in the right spot (too early for an heartbeat), it was the right size, then went back (last week) at 7w5d and it measured 7w3d - I asked if I should worry and she said that it was +/- 2days and it also depends on where they measure from she said if she had of rotated the wand either way before she froze the screen she could have gotten a different measurement. The difference we're talking is mm. Hope that comforts you a little. Congratulations by the way and good luck for your next scan. Shez

7:57 PM  
Blogger Cass said...

Oh sweetie. I'm sorry you didn't get the overwhelming confirmation we'd all wanted for you today, but I'm reassured (and hope you are too) by all the wise words of those that have gone before. And in the meantime, I'm holding you and Jeff firmly in my thoughts.

10:31 PM  
Blogger Em said...

I hope the next scan gives you more peacc of mind.

3:07 AM  
Anonymous persephone said...

Oh Bugs. I am so sorry your joy had to have some sadness mixed in. I'm hoping only the joy grows from here on in.

4:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bug,

You can be positive. My second ultrasound (post 37 year old IVF positive beta) was small. I had no symptoms except sore breasts. I almost wanted the morning sickness as proof of the pregnancy, but having felt like garbage the past couple days (10 weeks), I would choose no signs. :) I am tired of being exhausted and yet unable to sleep.

Good luck to you.

5:16 AM  
Blogger Julie said...

Oh, my poor dear Bugs. I don't know much but I know that a heartbeat (especially this early) is a good sign. I hope your next scan is soon and puts you at ease.

5:48 AM  
Blogger scissorbill said...

My IUI-conceived son measured 3 days behind on his 6 week u/s and then caught up by 8 weeks and was 2 days ahead by 10 weeks. At birth he was 8 lb 15 oz.

6:49 AM  
Anonymous Tine said...

Why can't things ever be easy? Can you have a 2nd scan sooner? 2 weeks seems like an agonizingly long tiime for you to have to wait.

7:24 AM  
Blogger Mellie said...

I wish it could all be straightforward for you, alas. But there seems to be no doubt that you ARE PREGNANT and that is every reason to stay happy.

7:29 AM  
Anonymous Day said...

If I recall correctly, there's a 5 day margin of error with the super-early ultrasounds. A lot of clinics won't even do a 6 week ultrasound because of the very experience you've just had - it's just too early. That said, I think what you saw looks very very promising! You're on quite a rollercoaster - any chance you could push for more clarity and demand another u/s at 7 weeks? I'm torn between feeling really badly for you because I can only imagine your anxiety and getting really excited about the possibility of twins. Hang in there girlfriend - -

7:37 AM  
Blogger PJ said...

Wow, that is a lot to digest for you. It's awesome that 3 implanted and I'm sorry for the one that isn't going to make it.

I second the sentiments of everyone that mentioned early u/s dating. It can be very far off this early on. It's great that you were able to see one heartbeat though.

I wish there would have been more certain news for you. I can't even imagine what you're thinking right now.

7:41 AM  
Blogger April said...

Oh bugs. My heart is simultaneously so happy and worried for you.

Sending lots of love your way, and wishing you peace.

7:47 AM  
Anonymous Mandy said...

I think it is very positive that the doc saw a heartbeat. My dr wouldn't even do a scan until 9 weeks (granted, this was a spontaneous pregnancy) because she didn't think we'd see anything yet. And your betas are good, right? Congratulations, and sending good vibes your way.

9:25 AM  
Blogger Pamplemousse said...

One heartbeat is good and I am sure in 2 weeks, things will look much better. Thinking of you.

9:38 AM  
Anonymous T said...

I'm in the 'can you get a scan next week' camp - 7 weeks might be a little more clear. Hoping for you!

10:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Focus on the flutter, Bugs. And for what it's worth, I measured 2 to 4 days behind on many an early scan, and my doc never even raised an eyebrow.

11:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm wondering if it was so early, and with the second sac being a day behind, he knew it was too early to really look at it? This early in the game, a day can make a huge difference.

Keeping you in my prayers.

Jill

11:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry about the stress, Bugs. My clinic, too, won't do the first scan until seven weeks -- they say that often heartbeats don't show up until then. So, many congrats on your flutter!

You probably know this already, but there's a pretty positive thread about early measurements over on IVF Connections right now (under PG after IVF).

Ugh, I can't believe you have to wait two more weeks. My fingers and toes are crossed for you.

12:57 PM  
Blogger D. said...

Well, I guess no news is good news... I guess. I'll be thinking of you and hoping all is fine.

1:18 PM  
Blogger Demented M said...

Oh how exciting to have a heart beat.

Crossing everything for a good scan in a few weeks...

M

3:18 PM  
Anonymous Milenka said...

I really hope it all works out for you guys, and I'm keeping you in my thoughts.

3:52 PM  
Blogger chris said...

Congrats. I'm sorry about number 3, but 1 and 2 sound just about right. I really do think you're going to be buying two carseats in about 8 months.

Take care.

5:46 PM  
Anonymous elle said...

Argh! So frustrating! But the wise women have spoken - it sounds like it will all be ok. Maybe one day, when you are wizened and gray, you may even laugh about it. In the meantime, my heart goes out to you two. Keeping my fingers & toes crossed for good results very soon (goodness, sooner than 2 ww).

7:08 PM  

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