Wednesday, July 27, 2005

As wand monkeys fly out of my butt

We planned for bad news rather well, what with all the practice. So we spent the day in public--running errands, eating lunch, buying distracting books for me to read while battling the expected depression of failure. I did not want to go home; did not want to be in a place where I could fall apart completely when the call came.

We had pulled off into an Emeryville parking lot, both of us feeling sleepy in the warm car, and had decided to nap for a few minutes when my phone buzzed. It was much too early to expect the results, but it was clearly from the clinic.

Jeff had agreed to be the one to take the call, and he was then supposed to hug me, tell me everything would be all right and drive me somewhere beautiful for an hour or so while I dealt with the first onslaught. He was then to take me home, make me a stiff drink and hold me till I'd cried myself to sleep. It was a good plan.

Instead, he jumped out of the car, phone in hand and closing the door behind him, and I was left to answer his own now-ringing phone. It was a client, and I tried not to sound like a panicked lunatic but couldn't breathe quite right and could only stammer. I put the man on hold. Jeff opened my door; I handed him his phone, he handed me mine, and said, "Talk to her."

I can't remember what exactly I heard, but it included the word "congratulations" and a number of 136. I think I cried and I know I thanked her six or seven times. I'm pretty sure I also told her that I didn't believe it, it wasn't possible, but thank you anyway. I do remember that she said, quite distinctly, that I was wrong--it was not only possible, it was true.

Jeff and I sat in that Emeryville parking lot for what seemed an eternity, just smiling and shaking our heads in disbelief. We had no idea what to do; we hadn't planned for success.

I am not a superstitious or spiritual person, but I can't help feeling that the support you all have shown me, and the positive thoughts and wishes, have made a difference in me, and maybe even in this outcome. It's been eighteen years since the last time I was pregnant, and I truly did not believe it could ever happen again, but your optimism and hopefulness were, I think, enough to counteract my own absolute certainty of failure.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, which is full to overflowing with gratitude.

106 Comments:

Blogger Lindy said...

OH MY GOD!!! I haven't even read the post yet - just the "congratulations" and the high number. OH MY GOD!!!!

BUGS!!!!!

4:04 PM  
Anonymous Z said...

C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S!!!!

WHAT GREAT NEWS!

4:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fantastic -- this is wonderful news. Congrats to you and DH.

MichelleL

4:05 PM  
Blogger VHMPrincess said...

CONGRATULATIONS! I've been checking all day (east coast time) even when it was WAY too early today in anticipation of good news! Congrats!

4:06 PM  
Blogger Cass said...

Well, that was a really nice, very detailed, well organized plan you had going into this. I'm so glad you didn't get to use it!

Congratulations. Of course. Though that doesn't begin to express my incredible and overwhelming happiness and excitement for you and Jeff.

4:07 PM  
Blogger Mudbug said...

YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!!!!!

I am just absolutely thrilled for you and Jeff. Wonderful wonderful news.

4:08 PM  
Anonymous amanda said...

Woo hoo!!! What fantastic news. Congratulations!

4:15 PM  
Blogger Cricket said...

Happy Day! Congrats!

4:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG - this gives me hope. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG - one of the old (as in, been there longer then me!) CFs did it! Yahoo!!!!! 136 is quite a strong # for so early on! This is the only happy thing that I've heard today. -cleo

4:19 PM  
Blogger penelope said...

Ah you got me all teary! This is so, so, so, so fabulous!!!

Sending you champagne bubbles and pink clouds and angels singing on high!

4:20 PM  
Anonymous Kim said...

This is so awesome! I am tickled for you! Congratulations to you and your husband!!

4:21 PM  
Blogger Millie said...

Congrats!!!!! I'm so happy for y'all.

4:29 PM  
Blogger Jen-Again said...

WooHoo and congratulations!

I am so happy that you didn't get to use your bad-news-plans, and now I get to think of 'Bugs got good news thoughts' when i drive past Emeryville!

4:34 PM  
Blogger Cathy said...

Hooray! Fabulous news.

4:36 PM  
Anonymous kiwi said...

Congratulations Bugs! What wonderful news!

4:55 PM  
Anonymous deborah said...

Oh, yay! Yay! Yay!

What beautiful monkeys! What a beautiful butt!

What the hell am I saying?!? Dunno...I'm just so excited for you!

4:58 PM  
Blogger Brooke said...

Woot!

Congratulations! What a good number!

4:59 PM  
Blogger chris said...

That's fantastic. Congratulations!

5:12 PM  
Blogger Galloping Cats said...

Yippeee!!! Congratulations! So happy for you!

5:15 PM  
Anonymous Leggy said...

OMG- that is so incredibly wonderful!!!!! Didn't I tell you that 4 was the magic number? (We transferred 4 with the IVF that resulted in my son.)

Wishing you a peaceful, happy, joyful upcoming days, weeks, months ahead.

5:20 PM  
Blogger Emma Jane said...

Bugs, I am so, so, so, so, so, so, so, happy for you! Congratulations.

5:25 PM  
Anonymous katie said...

what wonderful news! I'm so glad for and with you.

5:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG!!!! I have the happy shivers for you. I am soo ecstatic for you and Jeff that I've shed a few tears of joy. Wow. And a good beta number at that. Holy SHIT!

Wiggler/Pam

5:32 PM  
Blogger wessel said...

Well, what the hay! What did I tell you? Didn't I tell you that lack of symptoms don't mean a thing? :-)

I'm so happy for you and hope you have an UNEVENTFUL 9 months. And by the way . . . 136 doesn't sound like a lonely number to me . . .

Twinkies?

5:54 PM  
Blogger JJ said...

Bugsy... Darling... I can't think of anything hapier to hear today. I'm POSITIVELY giddy for you.

5:56 PM  
Blogger Jen P said...

Have been lurking and following and sit with tears reading this. Congrats! Congrats! Congrats!!

Wishing you the very, very best.

5:57 PM  
Blogger Anna H. said...

Dear, sweet Bugs and Jeff, I am so happy for you.

Flooding the LA basin with my tears...

xxoo

6:05 PM  
Blogger k said...

Yay. Yay! YAY!!!

Congratulations a million times over.

I hope your constant smiling doesn't keep you from getting any sleep tonight!

6:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

DUDES - YOU HAVE THE WORLDS BEST TOMATO GROWING IN YOUR YIN YANG!

XOOXOXOX
cant wait to see you next time you are down
joy,
- bhm

6:12 PM  
Blogger Larisa said...

Congratulations!!!!

6:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

tears here too. I am SO HAPPY for you guys. There's a big smile on my face right now. Congratulations!
~Donna

6:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a wonderful, happy surprise!

Congratulations.

xxoo,
Emily

6:26 PM  
Blogger Ivy O said...

Yea! I'm so happy for you.

Ivy

6:41 PM  
Blogger Susie said...

Awesome!!! What incredible news! Congratulations!!!

susie
notahabit

6:41 PM  
Anonymous T said...

That's fabulous - congratulations!

6:46 PM  
Blogger persephone said...

oh oh oh!!!!! bugs, i am SO HAPPY for you.

oh, this rocks.

6:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Adding my very, very thrilled congratulations!

Linda
http://indigogirl.typepad.com

6:51 PM  
Blogger Shannan L said...

Just wanted to say congratulations! I was just looking back at old posts on my blog and saw yours about how you hoped we would both make it to the other side of IF! I am just so thrilled for you!!!

7:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am soooooooooo crying right now Bugsy! Tears of joy finally- I knew it would come.

Cass was right, you sure did have quite the plan in place....guess your little Buglet(s) had other plans of their own

Congrats- and btw that doesn't even begin to express my true wishes to you

Ultradol (Wendy)

7:10 PM  
Blogger cda said...

Congratulations!

7:17 PM  
Anonymous Julie said...

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD repeating.

7:19 PM  
Blogger ThreeBees said...

WOO HOO! Oh My GOD!!! I am so excited for you! Congratulations Bugs!

I'm going to go set down the computer and do a happy dance in honor of this awesome news! Thinking of you and checking in often!

7:28 PM  
Anonymous Menita said...

YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
Jumping with glee, spinning dizzily, jumping with glee again, tripping and falling over but not really caring because I am so THRILLED for you, Dearest Bug!

7:38 PM  
Blogger The Lioness said...

YEY!!! Oh Bugs, isn't this all marvellous?

No need to thank us, sweetie, loads more love and hope where these came from. This is exactly what we've wanted for you and Jeff.

7:40 PM  
Blogger Kat said...

Yay yay yay yay yay.

Fabulous, wonderful news for you.

Congratulations.

~kat

7:43 PM  
Blogger Tiff said...

Congrats!! :)

7:48 PM  
Anonymous Dooneybug said...

Awww...that's just wonderful! Congratulations!!

7:54 PM  
Anonymous Jenn said...

EEEEEEEE!!!!! Congratulations!!!

8:23 PM  
Anonymous kelly jeanie said...

YAY!!!! Congratulations!

8:31 PM  
Blogger amyesq said...

YAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!! I am absolutely ecstatic for you! I knew the face paint would work, and now I can retire that old, run into the ground joke. Congratulations, Bugsy.

8:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congratulations!

9:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am a lurker and have said a few prayers and sent well wishes your way. Congratulations! Estatic for you and Jeff!

10:54 PM  
Blogger Dr J. said...

(also long time lurker)

The screen is swimming, I´m all teary. Congratulations!

11:14 PM  
Anonymous Wavery said...

You have permanantly removed all previously accumulated annoyance at Emeryville in general.

Goddammit if I thought waning of my hatred of that area possible.

(Beeming huge smile blinking back watering eyes)

11:49 PM  
Blogger mutt said...

So very super duper happy for you!! You give all of us hope...Make sure you go back to Emeryville and Pick your heart up off of the parking lot :) Now, go take care of yourself you silly girl....

11:51 PM  
Anonymous Libby said...

Wow. So very happy for you and Jeff. Here's to a healthy and happy pregnancy.

Congratulations!!!

12:38 AM  
Blogger twirl said...

WOW! I'm so happy for you guys! congratulations!

12:42 AM  
Blogger MC said...

Fantastic, congratulations.

12:50 AM  
Anonymous thalia said...

Bugs, what amazing news, and what a lovely way to tell us. I'm experiencing tears of joy right now - the first time for me in reading a post like this. I'm so happy for you, that I don't know how to express it. Well done. Well done. Mazel tov.

1:07 AM  
Blogger MsPrufrock said...

Oh Bugs, congratulations. It's such fantastic news for such a well-deserving person. Very best wishes that things go smoothly and easily for you from here on out.

2:53 AM  
Blogger Suz said...

Congratualtions!!!

3:00 AM  
Blogger K|nneret said...

OMG!! Congrats, Bugs!! This is absolutely amazing and excellent news! I had prepared myself for reading bad news and was totally shocked ... you're preggers!!

So very happy for you :)

3:41 AM  
Anonymous B said...

Oh Bugs, I am so happy for you! Congratulations!!

3:51 AM  
Anonymous Brenda said...

Oh wow! What a great story! Congratulations! Thats an awesome number too!

5:12 AM  
Blogger steph said...

Yay! Many congratulations, my dear.
It's wonderful!

5:19 AM  
Anonymous Rori said...

Mostly a lurker, but just had to say - Hurray! And congrats!

5:30 AM  
Blogger Claudia said...

Oh hallelujah! What fantastic news! I am so happy for you guys. Here's hoping you have an uneventful and easy pregnancy!

5:56 AM  
Blogger kze said...

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

I just found your blog, so I have not read your whole story, but I can tell by your post this has been a rough ride for you!!!

Again CONGRATULATIONS!!! Have a happy and healthy 9 months!!!!

6:01 AM  
Blogger Julie said...

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG I'm crying! I'm so happy for you! Mozel Tov!

I wish you an easy and healthy pregnancy my friend.

~doing the happy dance around my office like the idiot I am!~

6:17 AM  
Anonymous Catherine said...

Postively, absolutely thrilled and encouraged by your news!!!! 1,000 hoorays!!!!

6:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jen, who is on a mini-vacation and away from her computer, wanted me (her husband) to post a heartfelt congratulations! We are both so happy for you and your husband.

6:50 AM  
Anonymous stephen said...

Jen, who is on a mini-vacation and is away from her computer wanted me (her husband) to publish a heartfelt congratulations! We are both so very happy for you!

6:51 AM  
Anonymous Molly said...

HOORAY!! Best news I've heard all week! Many, many congrats to you and Jeff! Hooray!

6:54 AM  
Anonymous luminista said...

Bugs,

Although I have never commented here before, I've been reading you for awhile now, and wanted to give you just a HUGE congratulations. What wonderful news!! ...please keep us updated!!

-Lumi

7:07 AM  
Blogger Mellie said...

CONGRATULATIONS, BUGS! I'm SO SO SO happy for you and Jeff. May the next 9 months be problem-free. Seriously, you guys deserve uninterrupted happiness.

7:12 AM  
Blogger K said...

Congratulations!

7:13 AM  
Blogger Sheryl said...

Oh My God! That is soooo great Bugs!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

7:16 AM  
Anonymous Stephanie said...

Congratulations!

8:12 AM  
Blogger PJ said...

I'm a bit late to hear the news so I get to be the 79th commenter to this post, but I am absolutely thrilled for you.

136 is a perfect number, it is outstanding. Congratulations! I can't wait to hear the next one.

We are a lucky bunch as of late, arent' we.

8:20 AM  
Anonymous Caroline said...

delurking to tell you that there is someone sitting in an office building outside of DC right now - crying at her desk because I am so happy for your news. YEAH!!!!!!!

8:41 AM  
Blogger Blue said...

EEEEEEEEEE! Success is WONDERFUL! Congratulations!

8:41 AM  
Anonymous Mandy said...

Yay! I don't even know you, but I'm smiling like a fool at my desk at work. Congratulations!!

8:59 AM  
Blogger LizziePea said...

YEEEEEEEEEE*FREAKIN*HA! That is wonderful news, you DID get your pleasant surprise. Now tell yourself it feels really good to be wrong.

Enjoy and hold you husband just a little tighter! You done good!

9:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yayyyy!!!!!!!!!!!! How fantastic!!! Much love, Heidi (lost and finding)

9:48 AM  
Anonymous B. Mare said...

YAY! Such fabulous news, I am thrilled to bits for you. Couldn't have happened to a nicer pair of little insectoids.

10:30 AM  
Anonymous Day said...

OK maybe it's my post-partum hormones but I'm sobbing out of happiness for you. I really am. I just love you and you so deserve all this.

10:33 AM  
Blogger D. said...

Wow, you made me cry. I'm so happy for you. Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep us posted on every aspect of your wonderful pregnancy!

10:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I saw a dead bug today and thought I would check in. I think it must have been a sacrifice for the new life within. Congratulations!

10:55 AM  
Anonymous Megan said...

what a wonderful relief! I'm so thrilled for you, and so so happy that your worst-case plans went unused. How amazing. Thanks for letting us know that it's possible.

Congratulations.

11:41 AM  
Anonymous anne said...

Congratulations!

12:34 PM  
Anonymous J said...

Delurking to wish you a very joyful congratulations. I am so happy for you.

1:19 PM  
Blogger TigerJen said...

OMG!!! Congratulations!!!! I'm crying tears of joy for you and would jump up to do a happy dance if I wasn't afraid I'd knock something loose.

1:36 PM  
Anonymous Lala said...

92 others said it first but CONGRATULATIONS!!

1:44 PM  
Blogger Em said...

Well done!

1:57 PM  
Blogger Sheri said...

Huge Congrats to you bugs!

2:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

congratulations - and what an inspiration to the rest of us in the 2ww, furiously analysing the lack of pregnancy signs.
Jo

2:47 PM  
Anonymous Ollie said...

Awesome. Very very awesome.

4:17 PM  
Blogger Sandy said...

This is incredible news! I'm so happy for all of you! Congratulations.

4:00 AM  
Blogger Mony said...

Joy to the world!
Wow! Wow! Wow!
More good news! I just love it!

6:51 AM  
Blogger Anne said...

Many, many, congratulations to you. This calls for a sun salutation at the very least, Bug!

7:17 AM  
Anonymous one more lurker said...

Best wishes and hearty congratulations!

7:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Best news I've heard in a long time! Congratulations, Mommy!!!!

Lori

10:41 AM  
Anonymous Elizabeth said...

A frequent lurker delurking to offer my heartfelt congratulations! And what a beautifully written post, too!!

1:21 PM  
Anonymous reprogirl said...

Oh wow.
Wonderful.

4:21 PM  
Blogger kristenL said...

oh I am so happy for you and jeff.
this is wonderful!!

5:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yay, Bugs!

Yayayayayaay!

Congrats. Congrats, congrats.

Karen.naked ovary

9:16 AM  

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