Do you think that, if I don't try very hard this IVF cycle, I won't be as disappointed when it fails?
Because I'm really not trying. I can't even be bothered to make my next appointment, much less check the med schedule or return the pharmacy's call. It's not that I don't care about the result--I'm pretty damned sure I do--it's just that I seem to be in an apathetic, amnesiac fog where the details are concerned.
Oh, I was supposed to stop birth control pills yesterday? Oops. Forgot.
Wasn't there something about the new pharmacy needing my insurance information before they send me those eight different things? Oh, nevermind. They'll call back eventually.
And what were those eight different things? Hmmmm. Search me. Guess I'll find out when the package arrives.
Oh, Dr. FYC called again? Bother. Guess I'll have to go in. One of these days. I'll get around to it someday. Whenever.
How could I suddenly be so blase about this potentially life-changing process? Is it a result of displacing my worry from my old eggs to my new job? Or just a self-preservation instinct? Or, maybe, some peculiar manifestation of subconscious self-sabotage?