Thursday, May 05, 2005

Take two

I've had some time to think.

I've had some time to not think.

It helped.

And the decision is made: we will try again. IVF #2 will proceed in July, ovaries willing. A new R.E.--a friend and former colleague of Dr. Katz's--will be taking over the practice in a few weeks; he comes from a very well-respected clinic and does not have any lawsuits pending. They will continue to accept my insurance, and my insurance is willing to pay for at least two more rounds.

There are raw places in my heart and mind that have not healed, will not heal, but the scabs have formed, and I no longer feel the sting with every deep breath. Beyond this second cycle, I do not know: I may have a resilient pool of hope stored up, or I may find that the reserves have run dry. Either way, we know there is an answer out there: we will not be childless and longing forever, though our little girl may start out half a world away.

21 Comments:

Anonymous Leggy said...

Oh Sweetie- I know, I know, I know.

I admire your courage to get back on the rollercoaster so quickly.

Looks like we'll be cycling around the same time. Here's hoping we're both successful and we're holding our new bundles next April.

8:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And I'll be here, sending prayers and hope your way.

xxoo,
Emily

10:15 PM  
Blogger Millie said...

A plan is a great thing to have. You can always change it if you want. Wishing you much success on #2.

10:21 PM  
Blogger kristenL said...

I hope for the next couple of months you enjoy delicious cheeses, wines, and tomatoes.

11:38 PM  
Anonymous Jenn said...

I wish you much success next time. And don't pick at the scabs.

3:38 AM  
Blogger Pamplemousse said...

Same plan here, buddy. Lets hold hands tightly.

3:39 AM  
Blogger JJ said...

mwah

4:55 AM  
Blogger Julie said...

You are an incredibly strong woman and I wish you all the best on your next cycle.

5:50 AM  
Blogger wessel said...

Yeah!! I was hoping you would say that. We will all be here, cheering you on and hoping for your success.

6:02 AM  
Blogger Mudbug said...

Hugs to you.

7:25 AM  
Blogger Suz said...

Welcome to the club that nobody really wants to join.

7:57 AM  
Blogger penelope said...

I second what Suz says - not a great club. I really, really hope they can learn from the last protocol to get things a little more the way you want them to be. You are amazingly resilient - I'm just sorry you have to do all those shots again but as long as the insurance is paying....

now go tend your tomatoes in the meantime!

10:35 AM  
Blogger chris said...

Glad to hear things are looking up. Take care.

11:19 AM  
Blogger The Lioness said...

Dearest, dearest Bug.

3:26 PM  
Blogger Sandy said...

Making a decision is a huge step in itself. Sending you warm thoughts Bug.

3:34 PM  
Blogger MsPrufrock said...

Best of luck with #2...My thoughts will be with you as always.

3:56 PM  
Anonymous chasmyn said...

You go, girl. My heart is with you.

4:55 PM  
Blogger Internal Spring said...

You are a brave and wonderful woman.

I'm glad you're healing after your loss.

5:38 PM  
Blogger ankaisa said...

I'm glad you got the time to think about it. Now you've got a plan and can go ahead. One step at a time.

12:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want to tell you, Bugs, that even if that second IVF doesn't work out--and I hope, hope it does--that the fact that you can look ahead is very good, and that having a daughter born halfway around the world is a pretty cool thing. I love you, girl.

Karen/naked ovary

3:11 PM  
Blogger K|nneret said...

Good luck to you, Bugs. I think you show tremendous courage and grace under "fire".

5:22 AM  

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