'Cause if those were lies, they were damned convincing.
I am feeling a little more stable today, less freaked out, though I wouldn't quite call myself happy or optimistic yet. Yesterday was a good day--helped along by aching breasts, which promptly vanished (the aching, not the breasts) overnight, just as usually happens a few days before my period is due to start. But I'm trying. And all of your comments about feeling absolutely nothing, or your friends feeling absolutely nothing, are so encouraging.
At this point, there's nothing I can do but wait and hope. And if I have to wait, I might as well hope.
Speaking of the waiting part: my doctor is a little bit nuts. I am to have my first beta on the 18th--fair enough, eleven days post transfer, about when I expected--but I will not be told the results. After the second beta, on the 20th, I'll get the call.
He says that this is to avoid ambiguity, and also to rule out lab error. The nurse gave an example of one woman whose first beta was negative but whose second was sky-high. Pregnant with twins. He didn't mention the obvious reason for doing this, though, and I didn't say anything. Though it feels paternalistic and even insulting not to be told up-front, I'm willing to suspend my irritation and embrace the fact that this game may give me two more days of hope. Vain hope, perhaps, but hope nonetheless.
Even two extra days of unnecessary PIO shots are probably worth that little glimmer of possibility, the one that clings so stubbornly to the edges of my pessimism, right till the very moment of definitive, disappointing truth.