Friday, April 01, 2005

Reality

My R.E. wanted to see at least 10-12 follicles today. He expected to see even more.

But there are six. Just six.

He said, "Well, I guess now we know what the problem is."

I couldn't think. I couldn't form a question. I don't know what that means.

Today, my R.E. also lost his medical license. He made a grave error five years ago, perhaps he deserves it. I am too buried in grief to care.

I'm considering giving up. Today.

I can't stop shaking.

28 Comments:

Blogger Soper said...

Oh, Bugs.

(softer) Oh, Bugs.

((hug))

12:40 PM  
Blogger kristenL said...

Perhaps he lost his ML for saying stupid fucking shit like that!

Please try not to let some offhanded thoughtless comment shake you.

And it only takes one, right?

I am so sorry. I wanted this to be much better news for you.

12:45 PM  
Blogger Wavery said...

Bugs!!

I'm sorry this is so upsetting. But six is something isn't it? I mean, this doesn't mean toss in the towel does it?

I'm sorry about your RE. I know you put a lot of thought into sticking with him despite his history.

1:03 PM  
Anonymous Danae said...

Well, shit. I'm so sorry. This just bites.

1:13 PM  
Blogger Galloping Cats said...

I don't know what to say. I don't know what either of these things mean for your cycle. But am thinking of you.

1:23 PM  
Blogger getupgrrl said...

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry you're upset. But at the same time ... I don't trust your RE's opinion, or his conclusion.

I will keep hoping for you.

1:36 PM  
Blogger The Lioness said...

Oh Bugs, oh sweetie. I wish you strength and good news, and solid feet under your ground. Much love.

1:41 PM  
Anonymous chasmyn said...

I am so sorry. My heart is with you.

And I'm with Grrl - I don't trust this guy either.

1:50 PM  
Blogger Lori said...

Well I only have five follicles and my doctor thinks that's great. Even if there were one he'd retrieve it. My IVF doctor is no newbie at this and he's respected in the world of IVF research, so I believe and trust him. I think your six are just fine. Don't listen to that bad RE. He's got lousy bedside manner and he's lost his license for some grievous error. He's bad...and I think, wrong. Six follicles is good.

2:21 PM  
Blogger Suz said...

Your doctor had no justification for saying what he did to you. First, I don't believe that it's correct and second, to say it the way he did is just plain mean. I'm so, so, sorry, Bugs.

2:32 PM  
Anonymous Julie said...

Just here, listening, thinking of you.

2:36 PM  
Blogger Millie said...

I know I would personally kill for 6 follicles. Your RE should never say things like that to you.
Six is great. It's truly quality over quantity that you care about.

I was actually talking with my acupuncturist yesterday about your RE. She really, really respects him and hadn't heard the latest in the sad saga. I'm sorry he was just a jerk to you. Totally not fair to take out his crap on you, which it sounds like he did.

That being said, there are lots of GREAT REs around here.

Don't give up. Thinking of you.

3:31 PM  
Anonymous B. Mare said...

I don't know the answer, but I want this to be OK for you. And it doesn't sound from what you have said that your RE necessarily placed to give you the right info. Deep breath, Bugs. We're all here for you.

3:32 PM  
Blogger Cass said...

Grrrr. (That's me, telling the RE and the psycho-universe to just back off. Now.)

Sending hugs and chocolate. Lots of chocolate.

3:37 PM  
Blogger Anna H. said...

Thihnking of you, Bugs.

xxoo

3:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My sweet, dear Bugs.

Just want you to know I am thinking about you. I'm sorry you had such a bad experience.

Moogielou

4:11 PM  
Anonymous amanda said...

I'm so sorry. I think your RE's statement is crap, though. I'm sorry this stuff is so hard. Thinking of you.

4:14 PM  
Blogger JJ said...

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry.

So, so sorry.

4:26 PM  
Anonymous Julianna said...

damn

I don't know what to say, I only want you to know that I am thinking of you and if good thoughts could will a good outcome, you'll have one.

5:40 PM  
Anonymous deborah said...

Damn, Bugs. That is SO not right, on so many levels. I am thinking of you and trusting that this one ain't over just yet.

6:31 PM  
Anonymous Day said...

So sorry Bugs...this must be so upsetting for you.

But your RE is wrong - dead wrong (hello? loss of license?).
6 is a fine number - and quality is far more important than quantity. Better to have 6 beautiful eggs than 10-12 overcooked ones. Seriously. We were able to only put back one on our last IVF cycle - I had given up all hope of it working - but hey, you know how the rest goes. Hang in there.

6:44 PM  
Blogger chris said...

I'm so sorry. I'm hoping he's wrong. Take care.

1:10 AM  
Anonymous oliviadrab said...

Bugs, I am sorry you are being dealt such blows. But I agree with everyone--don't give up. Six is not a bad number of egg follicles. It can still happen with six. It doesn't help that your RE lost his license. Unreal. But please keep hanging in there and don't trust his conclusion. Obviously he lost his license over some egregious error, it's within the realm of possibility that he's wrong with this too.

I'm rooting for you and your six beautiful follicles.

4:07 AM  
Blogger wessel said...

He jumped to conclusions based on not very much information. Women can have very different responses from cycle to cycle. Even though 6 is a lower yield than you would want, it doesn't mean that they aren't all good, healthy eggs. But the point is that another cycle two months from now might yield 12 eggs, or, tweaking the protocol might also help.

His losing his license will make it easier for you to MOVE ON to a new RE.

One thing that all of us lose sight of after months of failure is that we don't necessarily need 20 eggs; we only need one egg, but it has to be a good egg. Fertile women who get pregnant spontaneously only have ONE egg, right?

I'm sorry this happened, but I am not giving up on even this cycle yet. Hang in there.

10:23 AM  
Anonymous patricia said...

Oh god. I'm sorry. The insensitivity of the medical profession eternally boggles my mind.

10:37 AM  
Blogger K|nneret said...

I'm so sorry, Bugs. I don't agree with your doc, either. 6 is not a bad number at ALL. I know you like him, but he sounds like a putz to me.
Still, I'm sorry this hurts so much.

11:50 AM  
Blogger ankaisa said...

I'm so sorry! Please do not throw the towel in just yet, if you can continue the cycle after your RE lost his licence.

12:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Bugs,

I'm so sorry. I'm chiming in with others here...I don't agree with your doctor's assessment. Six is good.

xxoo,
Emily

9:52 AM  

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