Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Mui ridiculo

This depression thing is getting a bit silly. I have spent the last two hours playing the melancholiest piano works by none other than that consumptive force of gloom, Mr. Frederic Chopin. I selected precisely nothing in a major key, and nothing with a pace above largo. Finally stopped when I realized I was halfway through the goddamned Funeral March.

(Even if you don't know that you know the Funeral March, you do, in fact, know it. It is the melodramatic music of doom in every Hanna-Barbera cartoon. Dum, dum, da-dum, DUM, da-dum, da-dum, da-dum. )

It's one thing to allow myself to really feel this sadness, but it's another thing to wallow in it like a thick, stinky mud bath. To borrow my beloved grandmother's favorite expression, which she picked up as a seventy-year-old living in Guadalajara, it has become mui ridiculo. Just ask the neighbors, who shut their windows about halfway into my performance.

. . .

As of this minute, my mental state appears to be on the upswing: I just rediscovered my appetite, which had been hiding out in the adrenal gland control room for a week or so. This, I am remembering, is how I used to stay so slim, back in the bad old days when I was unreasonably unhappy. Since then I have added several Jeff Pounds, as I like to think of them. The Pounds of Happiness.

Guess I'll make room for a few more; after all, we have three kinds of cheese, good sourdough and an apple pie for dinner, and that's worth a least a few millimeters of extra rumpage.


Anonymous said...

Never underestimate the power of food. After an abysmal day today, my dinner of butternut squash ravioli with fresh sage and browned butter, along with the requisite large glass(es) of red wine made it all better. I was so sorry to read about your IVF cycle recently. I also live in the Bay Area (well, a little south of there). Take good care of yourself, Bugs. Your blog rocks.

Michelle K.

8:58 PM  
Blogger wessel said...

I've been away so am just catching up on your entries.

Insurance: You should know that every insurance company has a several-tiered grievance and appeal process. Follow through to the hilt. You may win, and it will be worth it to give it a try. If you put up a fight, they may pay just to get rid of your complaint.

Anger: I buy mine at Costco so always have a ready and abundant supply. Please don't hesitate to come on over.

Depression: Yep, I know how this feels. Sounds dumb, but walking helped, or anything that forced me to get out and move. Depression counts on Inertia--they are mutual parasites in a symbiotic relationship.

Mui Ridiculo: That describes perfectly how I'm feeling right now too--stay posted for new blog entry on said subject.

Bug, I hope you feel better soon. I wish there were more I could do or say--all I have to offer is "I know."

11:42 PM  
Blogger Cass said...

Glad to hear you're on a bit of an upswing. I figure, if you can step outside the depression to see that it's becoming a bit much, you're doing better. Thinking everything is fine whilst playing the Funeral March and not eating is something different entirely.

Plus, I think "Jeff Pounds" are really sweet. Now go eat some bread.

12:48 AM  
Blogger Pamplemousse said...

Food is good, my friend.

I second the getting out thing. Have you got a bicycle? This always cheers me up as I love to freewheel downhill. You cannot think bad thoughts in the sun with the wind whipping your hair. I get sick of thinking too much about all the bad stuff and need to get outside my own head.

Thinking good thoughts for you

5:13 AM  
Blogger penelope said...

this too shall pass.

5:15 AM  
Blogger Julie said...

I second or third or fourth... food is good. Sounds like you have some good comfort food on hand. Enjoy and welcome back.

6:02 AM  
Anonymous akeeyu said...

But do you have any Holst in the house?

"Jupiter" always cheers me up, and "Mars" is great for stimulating anger, because about one minute in I notice that John Williams totally ripped off a dead guy, and by the end, I want to scream.

6:03 AM  
Anonymous Soper said...

mmmmm, pie.

I got nothing, you know I'm depressed, too.

6:05 AM  
Blogger chris said...

I'm glad you're coming out of being sad.

By the way, if you want to make me happy, please go to the Ferry building and check out all the food there. And then come back and tell us all about it.

Ummm. Food. I love food.

6:51 AM  
Anonymous Julianna said...

I have been thinking about you so much.

Take care.

7:28 AM  
Anonymous Jenn said...

I am SO coming over for dinner. I can't remember where I heard this, but it has occasionally helped me, "Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end."

8:26 AM  
Blogger amyesq said...

Mmmm pie... Oh, sorry. I think that playing the piano has to be at least as therapeutic as a little walk, although I do second everyone else's suggestion to get out there. I mean, it can't hurt, right?

We love you, Bugs. Please keep us updated.

8:27 AM  

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