Lie to me
I am in rather desperate need of optimism, hope and a positive attitude right now. While yesterday I was engrossed with the simple thrills of sitting upright, standing and finally taking a gentle walk through the neighborhood, today my focus has shifted to, Am I pregnant?
The resounding answer from my body is, No! Or even, Dream on, you asshole!
I am what I guess I should think of as nine days post ovulation. Six days post transfer. Something like that, anyway. The gonadotropin-induced breast ache is gone. I feel no flutterings or fullness. No indigestion, no nausea, no sensitivity to smells. None of the things I remember pregnancy feeling like. Even the daily cc of PIO isn't mimicking symptoms. Yeah, I know that it's still early, but I've got nothing. Just a melodramatic sense of doom.
I had no uterine twinges and no spotting on the days implantation was supposed to occur. The only odd thing I feel right now is my swollen and manipulated right porcupine of an ovary as it gets smashed against the rest of my innards whenever I move. And that just reminds me more forcefully of the procedure I've been through, and that I am broken.
My doctor insisted that I should do everything in my power to remain optimistic, that it would increase the chances of success. That one's body is better able to hold onto a pregnancy if it is not under a significant mental strain. I don't know how to do that, and I'm asking for your help.
Have you felt nothing, but been pregnant? If not, can you imagine it and pretend, and send me convincing comments about how you couldn't have been more surprised; had no earthly clue?
Just lie to me. Please. I need the hope more than I could have imagined--my mental is straining right now.