Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Can I borrow a cup of anger?

That Depression, she is not very kind. She turns my face to stone, makes me hide under the covers in my dark room. She has sapped all of my energy. Worst of all, she has gutted me of my anger and indignation.

How can I cope without them? They are what was holding up my spine, the legs of my forward momentum. Anger with my body, indignation with life's rank unfairness: they gave me force. Even the force of negativitiy has a price beyond rubies when you have nothing but sadness and inertia, and quiver like gray Jello.

Perhaps she will allow a few electric anger surges to penetrate the wobbly gloom in a day or two. Please, Ms. D. Please.

Pretty please?

16 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Bugs,

Big, no HUGE internet hugs to you. I hope you find your way out of this swampy pit soon.

I understand how you're feeling, only too well. It's why I haven't posted as much. I don't even have the energy to do that.

Thinking of you.

xxoo,
Emily

6:22 PM  
Blogger ms pickled eggs said...

I'm sorry you're in that place. I know that place, I hate that place and I hope you find your way out soon. *passing you the vodka and cake*

Take care

7:07 PM  
Anonymous InSpring said...

Sometimes I find that if I give into Ms. D and let her have her way with me for a little while, she becomes bored of me and moves on.

Maybe you just need some time to rest.

Wishing you peace.

7:17 PM  
Anonymous chasmyn said...

It is said that depression is anger turned inward.

Your anger is there, trust me. I know of which I speak.

(((HUGS)))

8:05 PM  
Blogger Wavery said...

Anger can be a very nice crutch. Depression is so humbling. At least anger gives you enough energy to take a swing.

Thinking of you.

8:09 PM  
Blogger Anna H. said...

Oh, Wavery is so right -- depression is terribly, terribly humbling... I wish I could make it all go away.

Sending much love to you, Bugs.

xxoo

8:37 PM  
Blogger The Lioness said...

Bugs, swetie, it will come. Anger will come.

Hugs.

5:09 AM  
Blogger Julie said...

Depression happens when the anger exhausts you and your body, mind and spirit need a rest. Listen to your body, rest now. I don't wish that your anger returns but that your depressions is replaced with a sense of peace.

5:36 AM  
Blogger HomeFireBlue said...

Ahh.

Bugs I wish I had something clever to say but I don't. Having had my share (and several other people's shares) of both anger and depression, all I can say is: I understand.

Just grab hold of something and hang on. I'll be here every day to check on you and steady your grip.

-Blue

6:47 AM  
Anonymous Jenn said...

Scoot over, I'll keep you company. I was in that dark cave not so long ago. I'll bring my anger if you stop hogging the covers.

7:31 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

Oh sweetie--no anger to share with you, unfortunately (well, some at your stupid insurance company, but that'll come for you soon enough).

But, instead, something that I really hope will bring a smile to your face:

http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2005/04/01/arts/20050402_PARR_SLIDESHOW_1.html

Much love.

7:38 AM  
Blogger Sandy said...

I too wish I had some magical words to offer ... none come to me. Just know that I would lend you a cup of my anger if we were next door neighbours.

10:46 AM  
Blogger Pamplemousse said...

I always say better out than in. You really have to do what is best for you. I know I have to let the depression rule for a little while cos if I try to jolly through it, it just ends up a bit messy. Been there too many times before.

Thinking of you and THANK YOU for your support.

12:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Bugs,
I am so sorry. *Sigh* Right now, I know that all you can do is let yourself be sad. You have a right to that. I wish I could give you a real, live hug this very second. Love, Heidi

12:50 PM  
Anonymous patricia said...

Oh Bugs. This is so very, very hard.

My shrink always says that I deal with my sadness by lashing out in anger. At times over the last couple of years I've reached a whole new level of bitchiness and furor.

You are not alone, even if it feels like it sometimes.

2:29 PM  
Blogger Mudbug said...

This seems like it may be a good time to tell you how very much your support and friendship and stories and self have helped pull me through this crap. More than you know and more than I can adequately express in a Blogger comment. You have shared so much of yourself with all of us and we are all so much better for it. We are all here for you, as long and as hard and whatever it takes to get you to the other side. Hold on to that sweet Jeff of yours.

5:32 PM  

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