Wednesday, February 23, 2005

What am I if not obliging?

As requested, I present:

What I Have Stored in the Downstairs Freezer


The Contents of the Underused Big White Box That Unreasonably Jacks Up Our PG&E Bill

1) Three three-packs of Kirkland smoked ham steaks. Low fat, salty and full of yum. They occupy the entire middle floor in The Bugs Food Pyramid.

2) Five faux-Gladware containers of inconsistent size and manufacture containing a compote of wild plums from the trees in our back yard. Tart but sweetened liberally with sugar and honey, they make an excellent topping for butter pecan ice cream; however, we no longer eat ice cream due to the occasional lactose intolerance thing, and thus the plum sauce languishes in be-frosted loneliness in The Big White Box.

3) Two ten-pound bags of ice, half-thawed and then re-frozen into large contorted blocks after our last summer party. Their value now is as ephemeral sculpture; they will never again be expected to grace a beverage.

4) An assortment of prepared foods from Trader Joe's frozen aisle: spanikopita (bitter aftertaste; I advise against these), pear & gorgonzola pizza (quite edible), chicken gyoza (pretty good) and soy corn dogs (taste disturbingly like the real thing; J. thinks of the four-pack as a single serving and wolfs them down with voracious verve and a dash of yellow mustard, as though he were fourteen and the dogs from Der Wienerschnitzel. Not your typical healthful-but-agonizingly-bland soy product.).

5) Two blue gel ice packs, a bit tacky to the touch due to their intimate proximity to the remnants of a burst plum sauce container.

6) One large Niman Ranch tri-tip. An iron-filled, beautifully textured ode to the grass-fed cow.

7) Seven opaque 32-ounce Trader Joe's French Village yogurt containers, cryptically marked in Sharpie with notations such as "Sun G past OK" and "CEY soup !," which roughly translate from the original Tomatospeak as "Sun Gold pasta sauce, pretty decent" and "Soup of Czech's Excellent Yellows, yummyyummyohsogood!," respectively. Give me lycopene or give me death. If you do not speak the sacred language of the tomato, this still may not mean much to you, and I apologize. They are my personal religion and I tend to evangelize, but I will try to stop short of calling for converts.

Well, that's my report from The Freezer. Tomorrow, perhaps a scintillating catalog of The Shelf Above Our Washing Machine. Sounds gripping, yes?


Blogger Suz said...

Ohhh...send the plum sauce over here! Ice cream is nothing but a staple in our household!

7:04 PM  
Blogger Mudbug said...

Forget the plum sauce. Let's talk tomatoes. Seriously. What kinds do you grow? Where? How? Want to trade?

And did you remember that inventory off the top of your head or did you have to trek on down there and check?

7:49 PM  
Anonymous deborah said...

Fascinating. Now, march yourself over to the couch and let us know what goodies you've got lodged under those cushions.

8:19 PM  
Blogger amyesq said...

My husband worships at the altar of the TJ pear and gorgonzola pizzas. You should see the shrine he has set up :)

10:16 PM  
Blogger E. said...

I'm sitting here turning green from Trader Joe's envy. We don't have TJ in our parts. We. Want. Trader. Joe's. (Of course, apparently then we'd have to buy a freezer, so maybe not.)

6:03 AM  
Blogger The Barrenness said...

All right!!! Now that was interesting--in a really, really weird way. Obviously, you're another satisfied Costco consumer. They have the best foods! Alas, we have discontinued our membership since there won't be one in the state where we're moving. We still have a Sam's membership, but it's just not as cool.

I would pay big money to get The Barrenn to eat a pizza with pears and/or gorgonzola on it. He's very "meat and potatoes". To him, the potatoes meet both the vegetable and the bread requirement in the food pyramid. He argued once with me about corn being a vegetable. Puhleeze!

I'm thinking about sharing a "purse contents" or my "over the sink bathroom cabinet contents". We'll see.

8:02 AM  
Blogger Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

You know, knowing what hot dogs are made of, soy corn dogs sound somewhat more appetizing than the real thing!


8:27 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

Oh fellow disciple of TJ, may I make a suggestion for a complement to the frozen plum compote?

Greek yogurt. 'S fabulous, and should not cause the same lactose issues.

Mmm...pear and gorgonzola pizza. Better check for that next time I make a pilgrimage!

8:42 AM  
Blogger DeadBug said...

In the '70s, we lived about ten minutes from the original Trader Joe's, which was a much lesser affair of shelves of wine, a case of cheese, an industrial juicer and a box of Valencias, with Joe himself often to be found behind the counter. My dad loved the wine; we kids loved juicing the oranges. When he started to expand to a few additional little stores in the same general neighborhood, and added a whole lot of new products, TJ's became a source of local pride and, for us, a religion (we were Trader Josephites). When I moved to the Bay Area in '89, I would fill my car whenever I went back down for a visit, then, oh joy of joys, discovered that they'd opened one not 20 minutes from my work on the SF Peninsula. Bliss.

J. & I agreed that we couldn't ever move anywhere that didn't have a TJ's within 50 miles. Sadly, that seems to rule out much of the nation.

Barrenness, are you telling me that there's a place in the USA that does NOT have a Costco? Seriously--life without Kirkland ham steaks? Unimaginable.

10:41 AM  
Blogger Pamplemousse said...

mmkay! Help out the non-American here cos a lot of the stuff you listed - no comprende. It all sounded pretty good though.

I am sure the ice sculptures will come in really handy when you get to the shots part of the PIO!

All kneel before the altar of the tomatoes! Hail to Gardener's Delight, Chadwick Cherry, Big Boy, Money Maker,Dingwall Scotty and on and on! Check this website:

12:23 PM  
Blogger steph said...

You, too, with the tomatoes? I'm with mudbug- let's talk 'maters.

12:32 PM  
Blogger Soper said...

Dude, did Blogger eat my tomato comment from yesterday, or did you delete it?

Man, it was long. I don't want to have to rewrite it!

Here is my link for heirloom tomatoes:

7:06 AM  
Blogger DeadBug said...

Sorry, Soper, Blogger must have deleted it. Damn you, Blogger (in voice of Jon Stewart).

Thanks for the link. Will check it out. Hmmm, am thinking it's about time to write a whole tomato post. Might be just the cheery ticket on this icky gray day.


4:15 PM  

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