Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Fun Facts for a Rainy Day

During this interminable Wait, which is no fun to write about and probably even less enjoyable to read, I thought I'd fill you in on random pieces of useless fluff, all about me me me me me. After all, I feel like I've slept with you on the first date: we haven't really gotten to know each other yet, but you've most definitely seen me naked. Or worse. Good god, please tell me you haven't heard me fart yet. That's not supposed to happen till much later.

Hmmmm, where to start? Ah, yes, maybe with Some Things I Hate. Here goes:

Karl Rove

"Nucular"

Stickers on fruit

Alanis Morissette

Gelatinous food items

Digging in hard earth

Vacuuming

Titanic

Talking on the phone

Almost everything by Mozart except the Requiem, symphonies 40 & 41, and Rondo alla Turca

My husband's gasping snores

My sister's excessive fertility

Getting out of the bathtub

Shopping for an interview suit

Being woken up by cramps

Gwynneth Paltrow (don't ask me why, I have no good answer)

Tucker Carlson

The little piles of pocket junk that J. leaves around the house

When our "Now Playing" list on TiVo is down to a choice of NOW With Bill Moyers and Huell Howser's California's Gold when what I want to see is Prime Suspect VI

The smug attitude of San Franciscans toward Los Angelenos

Eastern Montana

Most of Nevada

My lack of coordination

Shorts on my thighs

Sasha Cohen's grotesque hyperflexibility

Hypocritical U.S. positions on migrant workers from Latin America

My inability to learn the final movement of the Moonlight Sonata

Tapioca

The end of the tomato season

The NRA

Checking my godforsaken cervical fluid

Pants cut so that the waist is as big as the hips

The addition of "under God" to the Pledge of Allegiance fifty years ago

Explaining what the word "atheist" means

White people with dreadlocks

Patchouli

My voice on the answering machine

Early March in Boston

The crazy-eyed, slack-jawed look of astonishment worn by Shrub on those rare occasions when he's asked a tough question

The thought of living through Four More Years

Waiting


Perhaps tomorrow I'll compile a list of Things I'm Really Bad At.

7 Comments:

Blogger Julie said...

The Bug posts for me on every single item, especially the TiVo bit. Jane Tennison could kick Bill Moyers' ass around the block with one shapely leg tied behind her back.

7:05 AM  
Blogger Orodemniades said...

Gwyneth sucks. Not only because 'apple' is a ridiculous, but cool name for a kid, but also because she's so fucking smug about the whole thing.

Her comment, before Apple was even born, that all women should stay at home to be with their children was the last straw in my mind.

Ugh.

12:07 PM  
Blogger Barren Mare said...

Yessssss! Though I quite like shopping for suits. Sad, eh?

12:24 PM  
Blogger Soper said...

Katie Holmes.

People who do not bathe.

Conversely, people who wear too much cologne.

Gas station coffee.

John Grisham novels.

Infertility.

The taste of toothpicks.

The gunk that gets under your toenails.

Having to clean out the gunk under your toenails.

Housework.

Inconsiderate pregnant women.

Fusilliam Wilt (inside tomato joke)

Oh, how I could go on and on....

7:16 PM  
Blogger DeadBug said...

Heeee! I'm bursting with more tomato disease references and am desperate to show them off, but I will try to refrain.

And Katie Holmes? Love it. She's just too perfect by half. Completely disgusting.

8:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think we're a match. Can I be your friend. I really, really hate early March in Boston.

Also:

People that say "ya" instead of You

Planning meals

Swimming laps. I don't care how good it is for you.

The New York Yankees - but less so right now.

Massive SUV's in urban, non-snowy, areas.


patricia
http://laf.typepad.com/

9:24 AM  
Blogger Soper said...

Oh that's funny, I just sent patricia an email this morning and put "ya" in it about six hundred times.

No one she hates me.

Everyone hates me. I guess I'll go eat worms.

Or bugs. (evil laughter)

8:28 AM  

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