Friday, August 13, 2004

The Right to Privacy

As of July 1st, I no longer have a private life. While this puts me in good company--say, with the governor of New Jersey--it does not put me in a good mood.

Today, I was trying to update my chart and check in with the lovely ladies on an infertility board when I found my sainted husband, the upright Eagle Scout, reading over my shoulder. Not just glancing, mind you, but full-on reading, brow furrowed, eyes asquint. Two days ago, when writing my last entry, I had to insist that he not come down to the basement office--his office--till I'd given him the signal (three raps with a broom handle on the ceiling). Oh, and I have been clearing the browser's history whenever I log off, just in case he's typing in a website for, say, Fernando Valenzuela and IE pops up Fertility Friend instead.

I never thought of my work life as private, but I see now that, in many respects, it was: a private computer on a private desk with a private phone in a private office with my very own door to close. I may have been surrounded by people, but I had my inviolate space, as gray and faux-mahogany as it was. And the funny thing about that remote, hermit-like office was that it allowed me to reach out and be touched by strangers, women around the world with problems and fears and thoughts and ideas and humor that I could understand and take comfort in.

With that space gone, my time and access are greatly constrained, and I feel more disconnected than I could have expected. So now I have to figure out a way to tell J that, while I have a preposterous amount of love for him and love to be with him every minute of the day, I also need time alone, every day. With his computer.


Blogger Katie said...

I hope he understands. My husband was kind of puzzled at first when I told him I wanted at least an hour a day of alone time on the computer so I could read up on IF information and check blogs. But I explained to him that it helps me sort out my feelings and gives me comfort in an entirely different way and he understood that. I'm sure yours will, too.

BTW, I'm sorry that AF found her way to you. AF sure has a cruel sense of humor to imitate pregnancy symptoms at times. She's played that trick on me too many times before so now, I've learned not to believe anything until I see a positive HPT (and I'm still waiting for that day!) Good luck to you on your next cycle.

7:34 PM  
Blogger DeadBug said...

Thank you, Katie. Wishing you luck in your TTC journey!

12:59 PM  

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