Monday, June 14, 2004

Slime, noise and worry

I'm not sure what proper etiquette is on blogs about infertility, and I hate to be completely insensitive, but I might as well be honest. I didn't want kids at all until last year. At all.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling overwhelmed by my fertility failures, I try to remember why:

1) Small children are disgustingly sticky. Their faces and hands become englued with a vile mixture of slobber, dirt, juice and snot. Their parents don't notice.

2) They don't sit quietly; they demand constant, undiluted attention: they are tiring.

3) They will only eat foods that I won't, such as sauceless pasta, hot dogs and processed cheese food.

4) They break things.

5) Baby poo smells utterly revolting, like an unventilated cheese shop.

6) They don't travel well.

7) They can't entertain themselves with a good book, or even a magazine.

8) Children's television is godawful.

9) As teenagers, they might turn out religious, or republican, or both, and there's nothing I could do about it.

10) They might hate me.

Well. That's a start, anyway. Just wish that made me feel a teensy, tinsy bit better, but it doesn't. For better or worse, it doesn't.

1 Comments:

Blogger Deana said...

Hey Dead bug...no worries. I felt the same way. In fact, I knew I wanted kids..but thought it would tie my lifestyle down. Then I got let go from my job. BOY I DIDN'T want a kid then either. Then I got pregnant. Having a baby changed me. The one thing it did was make me a patient person. Yeah...kid poo is gross, but the Wiggles tv show will grow on you. Give yourself some time..things happen for a reason!

1:53 PM  

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